


A Fair Weather Love Affair

by delilahbelle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4488339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delilahbelle/pseuds/delilahbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, his grandfather is giving him a poster of Captain America, the next Sam becomes his new partner. Sometime after that there is a search for a missing best friend, a trip, a team of superheroes, and a kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fair Weather Love Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't written fanfiction in forever, never for Marvel. Haven't seen AoU, so it's not being considered canon, although there's references. This is about three times longer than I wanted it to be, but I hope you enjoy. Background pairings of: Clint/Natasha, Tony/Pepper, Thor/Jane, and Bruce/Betty (kind of).

Sam realizes he's not entirely straight at thirteen, when his grandfather gives him a poster of Captain America with his helmet off, beaming down at a crowd. Sam spends days staring at the picture, thinking the same sorts of things he thinks about the girl who wears braids to school every day. Two months later, he jerks off to the picture and hides his embarrassment in his pillow.

–

By the time he's come to the conclusion he's bisexual, he's memorized the poster and bought himself three more, because Captain America is a great symbol, thank-you-very-much Ben. Ben laughs for days because he's the first person to notice how Sam notices other boys. And then he gives up since Sam can list all the things Captain America achieved—fighting HYDRA, becoming the first (and only he thinks then but he'll learn otherwise) supersoldier, fighting to have his team with him in the same barracks during a time with a segregated army. Ben's the only one who knows about it, and soon enough, he goes off to college and Sam into the military, and they never speak again.

–

Sam's the son of a vet and the grandson of a vet, so he knows what the military entails, but no one tells him how terrible you'll feel the first time you kill someone and how small and useless you'll feel the first time you can't save someone. His wing man is Jack Riley, a guy with more good humor than Sam thinks is possible when people are dying around you. Riley's not insensitive about it though; he just likes making people laugh. They need it. Sam spends eight years with him, joking and drinking and diving into war zones. They talk each other into doing the experimental Falcon project, and Sam will wonder for the rest of his life if Riley might have survived if he were still in a plane. 

–

Coming home is the hardest thing Sam's done. It would've been strange to him eight years ago. Coming home should have been a celebration, should have been wonderful, should have been happy. It's a bitter thing instead, with the gaping hole in his heart and the reminder than he doesn't know how to not fight anymore. He drives up to Washington DC after three weeks of subjecting himself to his mother's well-meaning babying and fills out an application for the VA hospital. He gets the job and lugs his stuff into a small house on the outskirts of the city. Runs keep him in shape and help clear his head of the cobwebby memories that haunt his nights, so he picks a route that goes past all the monuments. Riley always wanted to see them.

–

He meets Captain America on one of his runs, and the guy is kind of a smartass and Sam falls in love almost instantly. He pulls back, though, accepts the introduction with the acknowledgment it's unnecessary, tries to find solid ground when he makes Captain America—Steve Rogers—uncomfortable. Soldiers are soldiers after all, and if nothing else, all soldiers share the discomfort of sleeping places and things you'd rather forget. Steve has a warm friendly smile and a strong grip and a great body. Then he leaves with a hot redhead and Sam spends the rest of the day smiling to himself at random times.

–

He realizes halfway through a conversation with Steve at the VA that he's probably put too much thought in Captain America and not nearly enough into Steve Rogers. Captain America is an enduring icon of their country and the winning of a terrible war, but Sam has to admit he's never much thought about the man underneath. The man underneath is seventy years out of time with everyone he knew and loved dead. Sam doesn't know if any of them are alive, but he doubts they're in good shape if they are. When he asks what makes Steve happy, he hopes for an answer like drawing or relearning the world or even working but get a shrug and a seemingly happy, “I don't know.”

That night Sam realizes he can't even answer that question about himself.

–

Steve shows up with grime and the hot redhead, Natasha, who borrows the hair contraption one of his ex-girlfriends left behind. Sam isn't sure how it ended up in his new apartment unless fate just needed it there for this moment. Sam lets them shower as he goes through his mental recipe book for his mother's omelets and pancakes. He makes a lot; who knows how much a supersoldier needs? And who knows about Natasha? Sam isn't even sure what she is but SHIELD is mentioned and fighters need food. 

Sam invites himself along or get invited—he's not sure—but Steve is smiling at him again and that seems fine. Natasha is playing with her necklace, which has an arrow on it, and Steve throws her concerned looks when her back in turned. 

“Clint,” Steve offers to Sam quietly when Natasha goes into another room to change. “Avenger and SHIELD assassin. Do you remember the alien invasion last year?”

Sam had been overseas for it, but they all heard about it. Riley was still alive and cracking jokes about the Avengers while Sam tried not to sigh like a schoolgirl over Captain America being alive. He died three weeks later. Sam thinks about telling Steve, but in the end all he does is nod, and Steve tells him the story of the alien invasion. Clint Barton is locked in a prison cell for something that wasn't even his fault, and Natasha is worried about her partner especially with HYDRA rearing their heads inside a government agency. Sam asks Steve if he thinks Barton is HYDRA and gets a taken aback look. “I don't know,” Steve says slowly. “He doesn't seem the type, but I knew him for two days. Don't ask Natasha please.”

–

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes has always been on the periphery of Captain America's stories so of course Sam knows who he is but he can't reconcile the murderous dead-eyed assassin with the American War Hero. But the face is the same and Steve's reaction can't be questioned. Natasha is painfully silent, and Sam tries not to through the list of things that need to be done so she doesn't lose her arm. They're in cuffs they'll never get out of without help so all it'll do is make Sam feel useless. He chooses to focus on Steve's anguish because that can be helped with words. Not that Sam has the words; he feels small and young all of a sudden. Even with all the terrible things he's seen and done, there's so much more out there he didn't know about.

He's spared from dwelling on it by the appearance of another agent, who Steve introduces as Lieutenant Maria Hill, former deputy director and current acting director of SHIELD. Why he feels the need to clarify this is beyond Sam; maybe he just needs to say something that isn't a heartbroken “Bucky...” She leads them through the underground with Natasha determinedly not wincing or accepting any help. 

And then the planning begins.

–

Getting shot at is Sam's least favorite thing in the world (behind getting shot), but it's for a good cause and he gets to fulfill a childhood dream of fighting alongside Captain America against Nazis. Unfortunately, it's in the present and his dreams were set in the past because fourteen year old Sam didn't realize the Nazis were still active. He could do with them being a part of history he didn't have to live through but bad guys never think they're bad and don't go down easily. The Winter Soldier—Bucky Barnes—whoever he is today—is there, causing problems and trying to kill them both, and he wishes he were better at subterfuge so Natasha could be out here instead. Although he guesses stealing his Falcon wings would have been a waste of time if he were inside. They pretty much are a waste of time though; Barnes rips them off halfway through and Sam gets into a fight with a guy who missed his calling as a wrestler. Hand to hand combat is not his strongest point and he adds getting punched to his list of least favorite activities. He can't believe it wasn't on there before. 

–

Jumping into a helicopter is much more fun in retrospect he thinks when he's sitting in Steve's hospital room. It's about the only thing that was fun about that day; the leaked SHIELD files are causing an uproar and Barnes escaped, hopefully from his owners as well as them. Clint Barton isn't HYDRA because he's both an Avenger and a member of Fury's inner circle and was doubly targeted, but they also have no idea where he is. The remaining member of the World Security Council told Fury where they sent him, but he wasn't there when Tony Stark went to check. Suggestions had been made he was already dead when SHIELD fell; Steve brushes them off because Natasha's expression imperceptibly becomes strained. But Natasha hasn't gone to search for her partner yet because she has a hearing and a file to find for Steve. 

Sam asks Maria Hill if Barton will expect her to come if he's alive, and she says yes. When he asks if he'll be upset she's put something before him, Hill shrugs and says, “Barton puts everything before his own life. It's what makes him a good agent to give a suicide mission to and a bad person to fall in love with. Just ask Bobbi Morse—if we can find her.” Sam doesn't know what to say to that, so he asks who Bobbi is instead. She's Barton's ex-wife, another spy, another member of Fury's inner circle, and she was undercover with HYDRA when SHIELD fell. Sam doesn't say they'll be lucky to find her alive.

–

Natasha leaves to find Clint, looking remarkably calm considering Sam overheard her telling Hill and Fury there's been no answer at any of their safe houses in the area. Fury pointed out there's a good chance he's dead but he didn't sound happy about it; Hill told Natasha he won't answer the phone if he knows what's going on. Natasha said she's the only one who knows the numbers and she'll kill him herself if he's thinking he can't trust her. Hill said that's not what she meant. Steve and Sam left them bickering and climb into their new car which is as nondescript as they could get on short notice.

They drive up to New York first to stop by the newly named Avengers Tower. Stark has remade and upgraded the Falcon wings, and Sam sits through the guy's bullshit for two hours by reminding himself of that one time Stark came to give a weapons demo to the Air Force while drunk and high. Pepper Potts knocked back an entire bottle of Valium while standing behind him for three hours; Sam's never seen her appear with him again. 

He tells the story to Steve when they leave. It's not very funny but Steve smiles anyway.

–

Clint is found unconscious in a safe house in Sweden and transferred to Avengers Tower due to a blood loss Natasha couldn't fix. Steve turns around when he gets the call and heads back, apologizing to Sam as if he needs to. Steve's gone down in history as someone who takes care of his teammates and never leaves them behind, so it's not surprising he'll want to see Barton. Not that there's anything he can do—Barton took four bullets to the stomach. His lung is punctured. He's abnormally still and pale in the bed. Pepper Potts has hired a doctor to work for the Avengers, Helen Cho, and she's carefully monitoring him, but that's about all there is to do at this point. It's amazing he even survived long enough for Stark to send a plane. Natasha sits on the foot of the bed, her eyes shadowed and smudged with dark circles. She's swapped out her formfitting clothes for a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and she's not wearing makeup. 

Steve eats dinner with the team. Natasha remains at the foot of Barton's bed, but Thor has come in from London at the news. Stark jokes at the table, Thor makes an effort of camaraderie, and Banner talks about his latest project in falsely enthusiastic tones. Steve says little and when they leave, Sam says, “Two days of knowing each other had an effect.”

Steve laughs mirthlessly. “You know how it is. You fight together, there's a bond there. It's worse now that we know how many people we can't trust. We spent two days dealing with the aftermath of the battle. You learn who a person is then.”

Sam knows this. It's how he knows Gabriel Thornton was an asshole who liked mayhem and enjoyed killing people and how he knows Lindsey Marks didn't deserve to spend three days bleeding to death in the desert before she was found too late. 

“So what kind of person is Barton?”

“The kind you can always rely on to care when you're too wrung out to.”

–

They follow a lead to the middle of nowhere South Dakota where Sam hope he'll never be again. The rusted out barn they find has long since been abandoned, and the air is thick with dust. All they get it is the hard drive of a computer older than Sam and the lingering feeling of being trapped. When they come up again, they immediately have to go back down because there's a small tornado. Their car gets damaged, and they have to call Stark for a ride. A sleek but small jet takes them to Wyoming where they buy another nondescript car. 

They spend two weeks in Las Vegas on Stark's credit card. Sam feels bad but the guy offered. They eat fresh seafood at a restaurant called Estiatorio Milos and Sam sends the address to his mother because it's the sort of place she'd like. They shop for entertainment at the Dead Poet Bookstore, and Sam is briefly distracted by the Bettie Page Boutique. Steve stops by at the Martin Lawrence Gallery and chatters away about his love of art from opening to closing. Sam buys presents for his nieces and nephews at The Toy Shack, and they attend a show called Absinthe. 

On day six, the program Stark gave them has broken into the hard drive and they stop their thorough exploring to do something useful. There are videos of the reprogramming done of Barnes and the occasional stray piece of information that might be useful if only they knew what to do with it. Sam jots it all down in a journal that Steve tucks into a hidden pocket of his coat. South Dakota, it seems, was used solely for quick fixes. Sam takes Steve to get drunk, and the supersoldier puts away a bottle of tequila before he's even tipsy. The next day, he brings Sam strong coffee and pain pills and fresh pastries and leaves him alone to nurse his hangover.

They spend another week there because they have to wait until Natasha can get them fake passports to go out of country. Barton is alive and ignoring Dr. Cho's warnings about pushing himself too far too fast. Thor takes a StarkPhone and returns to Asgard for a while. Steve and Sam wander about the city, the last vacation they'll have for a while.

–

At Aureole, an expensive restaurant housed in a glass tower with more wine than Sam thought possible, Steve tells him about his childhood with Bucky. Sam doesn't interrupt even to ask for clarifications because the guy really needs to remember his friend in a good way. Or as good of a way as he can remember; Sam doubts being poor already when the Great Depression hit made for a good childhood. But Steve talks about selling newspapers on the street corners and getting beat up by people who thought he was too much of a smartass for such a small kid or being tucked into bed by his mother when his latest bout of illness struck. He talks about living in a cramped musty apartment with Bucky, sharing a bed and trying to stay warm in the winter, about Arnie and Michael and how he and Bucky once walked in on them having sex, how Steve hadn't realized until then what they were to each other. About how the little old lady on the floor below theirs was so enamored with Bucky and how Steve always tried to carry the groceries for the attractive brunette next door to them. 

At Blossom, they eat egg rolls and pan-fried shredded beef tenderloin, and Steve talks about Peggy Carter and all the women who came before, who never saw Steve as anything other than Bucky's tag along but Steve remembers all their names anyway. Betty with her big green eyes and Joan with her then risque bright lipstick and Paula who grimaced every time Steve smiled at her. And Peggy Carter, who Sam has seen carefully talk about Steve Rogers before. He always wondered why the careful phrasing, and now he knows. He wonders how she felt to be asked about the icon and never about the man she dated, who she might have loved but never got the chance to tell. Steve tells him she has Alzheimer's and that he dreams of her weekly and laments the fact he never can really tell her how much her loves her. He shows Sam the compass with her picture and stares at it for longer than he should, so Sam tells him about his disastrous first date, where he accidentally implied she wasn't attractive to him and gave her a candy with something in it she was allergic to.

At Rí Rá Irish Pub they discuss all the places they've traveled as if they haven't traveled there for battles. They order a bunch of appetizers and pick their way through them with Guinness and talk about 1940s London and the hills of France and the dry deserts of the Middle East. Sam tells him about his favorite local dishes in Afghanistan and Steve tells him out the first time he had shepard's pie. They don't talk about what happened before or after—there was a bomb in London and Sam killed a person who wasn't guilty of anything but protecting their country trying to extricate himself and his patient from a shootout. War is not heroic or special and soldiers are monsters more often than not. Sam wishes now someone told him that, that his grandfather hadn't given him a poster of Captain America like he was what Sam should aspire to be. Captain America, the bold brilliant brave warrior, didn't exist. But it's okay anyway—Sam thinks it's not so bad to aspire to be Steve Rogers. 

At Pinot Brasserie, Sam eats smoked salmon and Steve has roasted chicken, and this time they don't avoid the things they did—it's impossible to when the memories linger in their dreams. Sam talks about his guilt, about how sometimes he wishes he'd gone off to college instead, because he can't remember why these people were their enemies, why he felt like he had to something for his country. Steve talks about how he cared more for proving himself than he wanted to admit. They talk about the first time they killed someone—the pain and the regret and the way you can't ever look at yourself the same. How it's not an easy thing to live with and it creeps in at the worst times. They talk themselves until they're choked with tears and go back to the hotel to hide in their misery.

They eat lunch and dinner at Gilley's, a barbeque joint with portions big enough to satisfy a supersoldier. Sam sends a picture of the mechanical bull to his father and this time the topics are lighter. Steve tells him they used to boil meat when they could afford it. He talks about his mother's love of salmon, an expensive food even today, and how he used to save and scrimp from birthday to birthday to afford it for her. He even once bet against some guys on a pool table, and Bucky had to save him when he won and got beat up. Sam tells him about his mother's unfulfilled dream of being a chef and how she used to make them the strangest dishes before they were old enough to appreciate them. He types up her barbeque recipe on his phone when Steve says he wants to learn how to cook something other than eggs.

They eat breakfast at Hash House a Go Go while Steve draws some of the sights they've seen. He talks about how it felt to see color after the serum and the first time he drew something with colored pencils Peggy got him as a gift. He draws Sam eying his gigantic coconut mango pancake with trepidation—because he really really thought whoever told him this place had pancakes the size of a large pizza was kidding—and Steve chatters on about all the different options and how he would never have thought some of flavors would work well together. When they leave, Sam calls his mother to give Steve a mini lecture on how to pair flavors. Steve takes notes at an outdoor coffee shop table while Sam buys pastries and cold coffees. His mother doesn't know Steve is Captain America until that night, but she tells Sam he's welcome to bring him home with him next time he comes. 

They eat a lunch of chocolate at the Max Brenner Chocolate Restaurant. While there, Natasha gives them two more days, so afterward they stock up on clothes and luggage and supplies. Steve detours into an art supply store, and Sam buys as many books as he can get his hands on for languages. They stop by the Sugar Factory to buy a million lollipops to send back to Avengers Towers and get some for themselves. Back in the hotel they take inventory and make a list of things to do. They eat room service and share two bottles of wine on the balcony. They don't say anything; Steve draws and Sam people watches. 

The next morning, they buy food from a street vendor and finish their shopping list—toiletries, clothes, guns and ammo, hardware for building questionably legal things. They pack and repack their bags, take cash out of the ATM, and dye Steve's hair a darkish brown. Sam tells him not to shave. They go to Serendipity 3 and share a frozen hot chocolate and two desserts called Treasure Chest and the Golden Opulence, which is a thousand dollars and probably not worth it, but Stark is funding this, not him. Besides, he can't bring himself to care when he and his childhood celebrity crush have two straws in the same drink. Hell, for that, he'd pay for the dessert himself. 

Dinner is at the Bartolotta Ristorante di Mare, which has the best scallop dish Sam has had in ages. Steve eats a pasta dish and they quietly discuss their plans. They'll catch a flight to Frankfurt and search a long list of old HYDRA grounds in Germany. From there, they don't know. They'll follow where the trail leads, if it leads anywhere. They drink wine and try to relax during dessert. Natasha's contact delivered three passports each for them to choose from around lunchtime. They leave the next morning as Alan and Maurice. Sam is nervous the entire time they wait in line. Stark offered a private jet but they declined—this doesn't need to be traced back to him. They kept the hotel two extra days, and Barton has put a Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers on a different flight to Bulgaria, where a known HYDRA cell who has dealt with the Winter Soldier before exists. 

They make it through without a slip ups or incidents, and Sam celebrates by buying them drinks at the lounge inside. They take coffee with them to the gate, and Steve pulls out his sketchbook. He draws a plane leaving. Sam teaches himself German phrases. It's surprisingly domestic.

–

Sam came to Las Vegas infatuated with Steve, but he leaves feeling something terrifyingly like love.

–

In Germany, they confiscate more data than they know what to do with and hunker down in an abandoned warehouse to go through it. Days turn into weeks and Maria Hill calls them back. Well, she calls Steve back, because the Avengers are needed to deal with Doctor Doom soon if their intel is right. A Stark jet picks them up. Sam straps on his new wings and they dive into the fray over the North Eastern coast, because they're about twenty minutes late to the fight. It takes ten hours to get destroy all of the Doombots and Barton has a lot to say about that but he's too busy trying to stand up on a leg with a deep robot-dog bite on it. Iron Man's suit is battered, the Hulk looks tired, and Thor is dripping blood from his arm. Clint and Natasha are leaning on each other, looking tired and vaguely irritated. Sam has been thrown around so many times he's fairly certain his ribs are broken and he knows tomorrow he'll be sore all over. Steve's suit is ripped and he had bite marks on his legs and shield. 

They opt to take the information to the tower and comb through it there. Natasha and Barton translate better than they do anyway; between them they speak all the languages they have information in. Sam takes Steve down for a visit to his parents and his grandfather is there, which leads to a lot of talk about World War II. His parents let it slip Sam is bisexual and bi-romantic, and Steve doesn't even miss a beat even though Sam has never worked up the courage to tell him.

“You could have told me, you know,” he says when they're driving back. “It's not anything new. People always think I'll be shocked.”

“Never seemed important,” Sam says. “But thanks.”

“Did Riley know?”

“You missed 'don't ask, don't tell.'” No he didn't. But I think he guessed.”

“What's 'don't ask, don't tell?'”

So Sam explains, and they talk about politics the entire way back.

–

All the information they have generally amounts to nothing and supervillains are causing more and more problems, so Sam goes back to the VA, and Steve stays at Avengers Tower, calling him every day. Sam doesn't need to be there to know that Bucky has had to be pushed to the back burner and it's killing Steve. But he doesn't complain. They fight Doctor Doom again and in between that, they vet SHIELD agents and try to rebuild from the mess. Barton's arrows are found in more than one traitor of SHIELD, which the press calls horrifying and the underground calls a reminder of who is more powerful. SHIELD will wipe out their enemies if they must, and Barton's distinctive weapon is a sign to those who would oppose them.

Personally, Sam doesn't get the bow and arrow thing, but he can't deny Barton's arms are great.

Three months go by and Stark somehow creates an evil robot intent on annihilation and they pick up some mutants who fit it if you judge solely by their issues. Dr. Cho was a good addition, but maybe Pepper should think about getting a therapist or twelve. Sam and James Rhodes and a robot called the Vision, also created by Stark who thankfully isn't planning on killing them yet, also join in. When that's done, Maria Hill steps into the role of placating world leaders, and Sam decides he is never sleeping anywhere but in that extra bedroom on Steve's floor. Partially because he can watch Steve undressing through the shared bathroom (which is reason number three for staying) because he didn't close the doors but mostly because the bed is made of heaven and fluff and soft sheets. 

–

In December Stark decorates the tower with bundles of mistletoe. They avoid each other in doorways for days. Stark complains until Pepper and Barton are trapped under the mistletoe and Pepper later calls him the best kiss she's ever had. Stark stops harassing them to use it, but he doesn't take it down, and he gets grumpy while in the same room with Barton, who doesn't seem to like Stark much and is therefore happy to be ignored. He wears hearing aids, and when Stark's grumbles get too annoying he just takes them out. Natasha always glares at her partner when he does that. Sam's sign language is rusty but he's pretty sure she tells him if she has to listen he does too. Barton never listens to her.

Thor brings Jane Foster by along with her research assistant who badgers Banner into calling a Betty Ross. It's comical seeing Thor with the tiny Dr. Foster, and it's even funnier to see a man who can turn into a near indestructible raging giant be bulldozed by a twenty something year old with red lipstick and a tendency to pet every dog she comes across. 

A week before Christmas, they get together to decorate a giant tree because most of them haven't had a proper Christmas in years. Rum laced eggnog and Steve's latest attempts at baking cookies—sugar cookies with green frosting and white and red sprinkles—are on offer for snacks. They're burnt around the edges, but overall they're pretty good. Thor eats two dozen of them. Stark knocks back half the eggnog within an hour. They spend three hours fighting over the placement of various decorations and finally end up a product that looks more like the result of a group of toddlers' art project. Sam thinks about his parents' artfully decorated tree, but he's grinning too wide to really miss it. 

Dinner is catered courtesy of Pepper because they would all pitch in to cook from their Christmas feast over the next few days. By ten that night, they're stuffed and pleasantly tipsy, and Sam and Steve opt to stumble into bed. They need to train bright and early and then they've got ingredients to shop for. 

“Was that always there?” Steve asks, and Sam follows his gaze to the mistletoe over their door. There's a small hallway from the elevator to the inside of their rooms so everyone has access to each other's door instead waiting inside the elevator for their teammates to let them in. The hallway is always bare but now there's tinsel hanging on the walls and fairy lights dripping from the ceiling. Stark really got into the Christmas spirit apparently. He's even playing Santa to the four orphanages in the area this year. 

“No,” Sam says decisively. “That's new.” He looks up again and kind of smiles even though his heart is beating in a mixture of terror and anticipation. “We've got to kill to Stark. That's it. He knows we usually come to the door together.”

“He probably did it to everyone's. He wants to find out what Clint and Natasha are up to.”

“They're in love aren't they?” Sam doesn't know them very well, but there's something too deep about their interactions, too tender, too something for them to be anything but in love with each other. Maybe they're hiding it or maybe they've never told each other or maybe they refuse to acknowledge it out loud, but it's there.

Steve blinks. “I thought they were just sleeping together. What do you call that these days? Friends with benefits?”

“No way. It's too deep for that. And aren't you supposed to be from the forties?”

“We had sex in the forties, Sam. Well I didn't, but it existed for other people.”

“Are you saying you're a virgin? What about Peggy Carter?”

“Not exactly easy to have sex in the middle of a war.” 

Sam doesn't say he found time, because he didn't fight a war like the one Steve did, and he was pararescue and not always deep in the fray. He turns over the idea of Steve being a virgin in his head and doesn't know what to do with it, so instead he says, “So are we going to kiss or what?”

Steve turns red and drops his head. “I, uh—” Sam wonders if he's uncomfortable with kissing another man, but then Cap stutters out, “You probably don't—I've heard I'm not a very good kisser. I don't think—you don't need that.”

“You can just say you don't want to kiss me.”

“It's not that. Really. It's just—”

“Practice makes perfect,” Sam suggests because he really wants to kiss him, but he doesn't want to make him feel pressured. 

“Don't say I didn't warn you.”

Steve is—okay, he's not a good kisser. But Sam just redirects his head and mouth with as much silent gentle pressure as he can, and it's not bad. Not earth shattering by any means but pleasant enough. Steve's mouth is unsure and his lip dry, but when they pull away, Sam feels elation blowing up like a balloon in his chest. Steve grins nervously, still flushed, and pulls away. “Maybe we'll try that again the morning,” and Sam goes to bed with an anticipatory grin.

–

They do try again in the morning. Steve tastes like toothpaste and lip balm, and they're both grinning like idiots.

–

They spend three days gathering ingredients and starting on what they can prepare early, which is basically only making the pie crust dough and letting it chill. Every night and morning, they kiss under the mistletoe in their hallway and no where else. No one notices; Sam watches everyone because he likes people watching and because he's nosy. 

“I just saw Clint and Natasha in an interesting position,” he says to Steve as he enters the kitchen. They're alone because Stark and Banner are definitely not cooking for Christmas, and Thor can only cook pancakes so he's been relegated to making a Christmas breakfast. He's in the kitchen on his own floor with Jane and Darcy and Erik Selvig, who came down for a visit and got invited to their party instead, trying to find an appropriately Christmassy pancake flavor. Sam briefly wonders if scientists have a formula for that.

“I thought they were cooking with us.”

“I think they're cooking on their own floor and leaving this kitchen to us.” Which is probably the smart thing to do; the communal kitchen is not a place to hide or keep food for more than two days at a time. “You're not hearing me. They're not cooking anyway. They were half on top of each other in the training room.”

“They train a lot.” Steve is carefully trying to pour molasses into a bowl for cookies. Between the bowl being full and the molasses sticking, it's not an easy task.

“Cooking spray next time, for reference,” Sam says. His mother's instilled a lot of tips in him, most of which he never remembers, but they pop up every once in a while as he watches Steve. 

“What counts as a compromising position when sparring?” Steve asks after he's gotten everything he could out of the measuring cup.

“Kissing.”

“Oh. Well.” Steve grabs a spatula covered in flour and begins mixing. “That doesn't mean they're in love.”

“No,” Sam concedes. “But I bet you dinner at that new steakhouse they are.”

“You're on.”

–

They bake twelve pies and twelve batches of cookies. Clint and Natasha make a veritable feast of side dishes alone, with multiple types of potato and every vegetable know to man. Pepper teaches Pietro and Wanda how to roast multiple types of meat, and they're all pretty good, even if the chicken is kind of burnt. Banner assembles a bunch of appetizers inspired by all the countries he's hidden in, none of which require much cooking and many of which are spicier than Sam can handle. The rest of them promise to do something for their New Year's dinner. Stark says his contribution will be champagne. No one is surprised. Darcy and Jane and Erik have bought an array of different wines and mead for dinner. 

Dinner starts around lunchtime because they think even for a group of superheroes they've kind of overdone the food. Thor's pancakes had been appropriately Christmassy, but they were eaten at seven in the morning, which is when Stark blared an alarm through the tower for presents. Amazingly no one killed him, but that was probably because by the time they straggled downstairs, Thor had his pancakes already started and a bottle of mead opened. 

They open a few bottles of wine and go for Banner's appetizers. Halfway in Fury and Hill show up and they open some more wine. When dinnertime actually comes around they've made their way through the chicken, mashed potatoes, some roasted vegetable dish with parsnips, and a couple dozen cookies. They just make plates with everything else and eat around the living room portion of the communal area where they watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and Natasha rolls her eyes approximately two hundred times. Clint has zero reaction to it whatsoever, and Wanda and Pietro and Vision are basically staring at the screen with childlike wonder. Steve and Thor both like it, and everyone else shares holiday memories of watching it; most of them probably have seen it a million times and should be too old for it but no one is. Fury surprises them all by being able to quote it. Clint responds to their open mouthed stares by pointing out it came out when Fury was four and he wasn't born with an eye patch, leather trench coat, and the knowledge of everyone's secrets.

They wrap down dinner at midnight and move into dessert. Sam is beyond stuffed, but Thor and Steve are still packing it away. Pietro goes for a run to work off some of his food and comes back five minutes later with pictures of basically every place in the US. Buying the camera probably took the most time. Or maybe he stole it, or broke into a place and left money, or maybe he already had it, but Sam knows no place would be open on Christmas like that. 

Sam thinks he has the right idea and secures a promise for someone to save him a slice of pumpkin at the very least and maybe a slice of cherry or apple if they can swing it. He's already wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, so he goes to kick on some running shoes and jog around the block. Steve surprisingly comes with him.

They jog around the tower three times in silence before Steve says, “I owe you dinner.”

“Man, I can't even think about food now,” Sam complains. He's never going to eat again, he swears. He never wants to see food again. And he was an idiot not to grab a thicker coat; winter in New York is nothing to laugh at.

Steve laughs and jogs in place because he's pulled ahead of Sam accidentally. “Okay, you can change the venue, but today I learned Clint and Natasha have been dating for three years.”

Sam would gloat but he's too busy trying not to throw up. Maybe running after that big of a meal is only a good idea when you're a mutant or otherwise superpowered. “How did you find that out?”

“I asked. After I walked in them when I was getting the pies. Figured I wouldn't mention it where Stark could overhear.”

“Okay. Great. I win. You can take me to a steakhouse when I want to eat again. Maybe in a month or eight.”

–

It's late January when he meets Steve at the steakhouse. They haven't kissed since the mistletoe was removed after the new year, which Sam misses. But at least nothing is awkward. They've got a lead on Bucky, Sam has officially moved into Avengers Tower and has his own floor (right above Steve's), and he's somehow got himself on the new SHIELD's payroll. Sam's not a spy or an assassin but he's someone they can trust which means he gets a shiny badge and a watermarked ID card and a cool gun to carry around. (That he'll probably never shoot because Stark “fixed” it and he doesn't want to know what will happen).

“You look amazing,” Steve says and makes like he's going to hug him but he doesn't. Sam throws his arm around Steve instead and leads them inside. The steakhouse has been busy since the moment it opened, and Sam hopes it lives up to the hype. It's a formal place, that's for sure, with crystal chandeliers and gold filigree and astronomical prices. Pepper says she had a business meeting there and it was decent; Stark says he can cook a better steak. Which is either a boast or a truly terrifying statement about their food.

The stuffed mushroom appetizer is pretty good though. Steve's wearing a blue shirt and suit that subtly shimmers in the dim lighting. Sam's gone with a classic black-and-white suit, and he thinks he might be able to match Steve in attractiveness. 

“These are really small,” Steve comments, not even noting Sam staring at him. “I thought you stuffed big mushrooms.”

“This is a swanky place in Manhattan. They'll give you small plates and charge you forty dollars for them.” Presumably, at least, because as far as Sam can see there aren't any prices listed. He's only ever heard of restaurants doing that.

“They're salty.”

Sam can't argue with that, but he likes salty food. Still, he thinks they could have done better—more fresh herbs, better cheese, more flavorful breadcrumbs, something. His mother makes better food than this, and she'll do it for free. If you want to be nice, you can buy the groceries. He picks up one and rolls it around his mouth and catches Steve grinning at him with warm affection. “What?”

“You're making that face that says it doesn't stand up to your mother's cooking.”

“Nothing stands up to my mama's cooking.”

They banter as they eat, light topics about Sam's family, about Steve's latest cooking project, whatever skirts around the fact that they're long overdue for a fight with HYDRA or a supervillain, which technically HYDRA is, but they fail in a lot of ways also. He and Steve had spent the last two weeks freezing their asses off in Russia, trying to decipher codes with Natasha and Clint's help, and all they got for it was the beginnings of hypothermia. When Sam called Dr. Cho to reaffirm what the symptoms were since he didn't see much of it in the Middle East, she gave them strict orders to follow and had Pepper send a StarkJet to the middle of a field to pick them up. Not that Sam minded—it was much warmer in Avengers Tower, and they weren't accomplishing anything anyway. Par for the course with the search for Bucky, really. 

Sam instead talks about all the stories he's never gotten around to telling—Ben, his best friend growing up, and Leslie down the street who gave him dating advice, Thomas, his first real crush, who was six five on the basketball team and had his hair in a seventies-style Afro, Miranda, who he left behind for the military and came back to find her married. It hadn't hurt, even though he thought it would. Leaving her behind was a choice they made, but he's ashamed to say he didn't really miss her at all by the time he completed his first part of training. 

Steve lets him ramble on through their salads and into their meals—which is good but probably not worth the price. He cuts Sam off when he takes a breath to launch into another story—Timothy, football player extraordinaire, and Sam's sort of first real boyfriend—and says with twinkling eyes and a fond smile, “I love you,” and Sam absolutely positively one hundred percent does not choke on his food.

–

“So that didn't go as well as I hoped.”

Back at the tower, Steve hands Sam a glass of water and some painkillers. “How exactly did you plan for this to go?” Sam asks, wincing at the twinge in his ribs.

“I didn't really plan it,” Steve admits. “But if I did, it wouldn't have ended with you choking on overpriced steak and me bruising your ribs doing Heimlich.”

“Good, that's good.” Rib injuries are his least favorite to deal with; there's nothing you can do but suffer for the next six weeks or so. At least they're not broken. Last time he had broken ribs, he flew into a tree because someone shot at his wings. It had been the first official trip out with the Falcon suit. “I'm gonna make your life miserable until I heal. Just so you know.”

Steve's hangdog expression almost makes him take the words back. Almost. Steve moves to kneel in front of him. “I'm really sorry, but I really love you and I couldn't hold it back anymore.”

“You're making me feel guilty now.”

“I—”

“Kidding.” Mostly. He did feel sort of guilty and he probably wasn't going to make Steve's life miserable, but he probably would ask for a lot of stuff from him. “I love you too, but for future reference, don't spring things like that on people while they're eating.”

Steve grins and leans in but Sam pulls away. “I feel like I have to confess I used to masturbate to pictures of you,” he says then pictures himself slamming his head into the wall because no one needed to know that. But Steve's face lights up even more, and Sam knows he'll never live this down.

“That is the best story you've ever told me,” Steve says with a huge smartass grin. “Did you—”

“You have three seconds to kiss before I change my mind and leave you.”

“You'd never.”

There's a retort on the tip of Sam's tongue but it's chased away with a kiss.


End file.
